All these Parallels will they meet in infinity?

It started as a joke. Raphaela and I had a hot chocolate at the lovely Kater und Goldfisch in Berlin-Wedding. After finishing I asked her to read the tea leaves. She looked at what was left of the homemade chocolate and explained:

“I see several streams that run parallel. Like rivers. They are in rocks in them but these rocks don’t really block the streams. All these rivers run into a great lake. At the end of the lake there is a huge mountain.
I can also see a cat. She sits with her back to the mountain. And there is an eye that watches over the whole scene.

She described my life very accurate. Her words addressed the issue I am dealing with right now:

When will this mess of my life make sense?

My interest that wanders from writing to coaching and from photography to meditation.

In my head I had this thought: To be successful I’ll have to find the one thing that is mine and then follow my passion. I’ve got to be consistent. But how could I when my curiosity drags me from one thing to another. I was neither consistent nor had I found my passion yet.

Well, my wife knows me well. And she told me exactly what I needed to hear:

“Don’t worry”, she said. “Just follow your instincts.” That gave me confidence. I am not an hopeless case. That all of this will make sense in the end.

But let this give a second thought. Isn’t it that all parallels will meet in infinity as mathematics say? It might be that infinity is a little bit to far away for me to wait for. “I want the world and I want it now!” Jim Morrison shouted. “I wanna live and I want it now!” the Ramones sang. These songs I would like to sing along with.

I felt unsatisfied with the answer. Of course I follow my instincts.  I always did. There is no other way for me. But if I am going to live my life like this I have to accept that the outcome of my actions doesn’t count. Enjoy the ride is all that there is. And find the beauty in what is.

To Have a Clear Visoin of Yourself

I admire those people who have a clear vision of themself. My wife for example. She is a singer all of her life. Or Matthias, a friend from high school, who became an architect just as he always wanted to be.

I even envy them. They seemed to be so laser focused. They know exactly what they want and how to get it. My life isn’t like that.

My life is a long and winding road. I am always questening myself. Who am I? What do I really want and what do I need? How should my life look like? What is the right thing for me to do?

I am always full of self-doubt and with little self-believe. When I got the answer to these questions one day the next day I will start over.

“That leeds me to your door” the Beatles sing in that song The Long and Winding Road. In there lies the hope that this constantly looking for answers will come to an end.

But what if behind that door there is another long and winding road? What if this journey do not come to an end? What if I stay a traveler all my life exploring my life and myself.

Wouldn’t it be better to see the benefit of that process and feel good about it?

One thing is for certain. To hit rock bottom doesn’t scare me anymore. When things get tough and when a storm comes up I stay calm because I know what to do I and can trust  my powers my abilities.  I am aware of my options. I can make decisions without hesitating, take action, take the responsibility.

And I don’t take anything for granted.