It started as a joke. Raphaela and I had a hot chocolate at the lovely Kater und Goldfisch in Berlin-Wedding. After finishing I asked her to read the tea leaves. She looked at what was left of the homemade chocolate and explained:
“I see several streams that run parallel. Like rivers. They are in rocks in them but these rocks don’t really block the streams. All these rivers run into a great lake. At the end of the lake there is a huge mountain.
I can also see a cat. She sits with her back to the mountain. And there is an eye that watches over the whole scene.
She described my life very accurate. Her words addressed the issue I am dealing with right now:
When will this mess of my life make sense?
My interest that wanders from writing to coaching and from photography to meditation.
In my head I had this thought: To be successful I’ll have to find the one thing that is mine and then follow my passion. I’ve got to be consistent. But how could I when my curiosity drags me from one thing to another. I was neither consistent nor had I found my passion yet.
Well, my wife knows me well. And she told me exactly what I needed to hear:
“Don’t worry”, she said. “Just follow your instincts.” That gave me confidence. I am not an hopeless case. That all of this will make sense in the end.
But let this give a second thought. Isn’t it that all parallels will meet in infinity as mathematics say? It might be that infinity is a little bit to far away for me to wait for. “I want the world and I want it now!” Jim Morrison shouted. “I wanna live and I want it now!” the Ramones sang. These songs I would like to sing along with.
I felt unsatisfied with the answer. Of course I follow my instincts. I always did. There is no other way for me. But if I am going to live my life like this I have to accept that the outcome of my actions doesn’t count. Enjoy the ride is all that there is. And find the beauty in what is.
I take pictures since I was a child. I remember a photo I took with the camera of my parents when I was 13. If you ask when I became a photographer I would mention this photo. It stayed with me a told me that I have the talent to capture something with the camera there are no words for.
Over the time my equipment changed. I love to take pictures of people outside with a natural light. I never dared to become a professional photographer. I knew that my photos were good and I also got a positive response every time I showed my pictures my friends.
So what held me back? I just could not imagine that I can make a living of my talent.
At the end of September Foto Meyer organized a trade show. I went there to attend some workshops for free and listen to some professional photographers talking about their art and craft.
Ulla Lohmann told her story how she sneaked her way in to become a wild life photographers for BBC or National Geographics.
She gave some advice how to aproach people and how to get a good picture of them. To get a model release is a great issue because without it you cannot sell your pictures to the magazines. She told us how to get a model release from people who have no idea what that is.
Kai Strut talked about his way to success and that his intuition guided him. That he had it all and lost it all. And how his intiution helped him to reinvent himself.
Jens Burger showed some of his work he did for Fujifilm. When he was asked: Who will buy these pictures? He repied: I just do this for fun and for your entertainment. So I hope you enjoy it.
I took some pictures at the workshop. But what was my true intention to be at this trade show? It seems like I wanted to know something. Do I have what it takes to be a pro?
Do I have what it takes to be a pro? Well, it looks like all it takes is to have the guts to just do what you love. To focus on the joy of the work and don’t pay to much attention to the question: Will it sell.
So do I have the courage to do what it takes to become the photographer I already am?
Der Moment, wenn wir vor dem leeren Blatt sitzen und anfangen wollen zu schreiben, ist der Schwierigste Moment im Schreibprozess.
Was lässt uns zögern? Wie können wir ihn überwinden?
Wie können wir das Scheitern als ein Teil des Prozesses akzeptieren?
Sitting in front of the blank page and start to write was the toughes move I had to make. I got better by the time, but it is still tough to me.
I understood that failure is part of the process. That helped me a lot.
Allow yourself to fail.