It started as a joke. Raphaela and I had a hot chocolate at the lovely Kater und Goldfisch in Berlin-Wedding. After finishing I asked her to read the tea leaves. She looked at what was left of the homemade chocolate and explained:
“I see several streams that run parallel. Like rivers. They are in rocks in them but these rocks don’t really block the streams. All these rivers run into a great lake. At the end of the lake there is a huge mountain.
I can also see a cat. She sits with her back to the mountain. And there is an eye that watches over the whole scene.
She described my life very accurate. Her words addressed the issue I am dealing with right now:
When will this mess of my life make sense?
My interest that wanders from writing to coaching and from photography to meditation.
In my head I had this thought: To be successful I’ll have to find the one thing that is mine and then follow my passion. I’ve got to be consistent. But how could I when my curiosity drags me from one thing to another. I was neither consistent nor had I found my passion yet.
Well, my wife knows me well. And she told me exactly what I needed to hear:
“Don’t worry”, she said. “Just follow your instincts.” That gave me confidence. I am not an hopeless case. That all of this will make sense in the end.
But let this give a second thought. Isn’t it that all parallels will meet in infinity as mathematics say? It might be that infinity is a little bit to far away for me to wait for. “I want the world and I want it now!” Jim Morrison shouted. “I wanna live and I want it now!” the Ramones sang. These songs I would like to sing along with.
I felt unsatisfied with the answer. Of course I follow my instincts. I always did. There is no other way for me. But if I am going to live my life like this I have to accept that the outcome of my actions doesn’t count. Enjoy the ride is all that there is. And find the beauty in what is.