The Doors That Will Open

I was angry and mad.  I had to work full time in my new job. That was not what I had in mind. I wanted to have more time to do my creative work. Instead I spend my time giving support for some cloud services. I wasn’t even an expert on this topic. And I know myself: I would lean fully into it. The next six month I would give everything to learn and understand these issues. That will drag my away from writing and photography.

My mindfuck scenario was: I will have no time for myself. My job will take all the time and energy. I won’t be able to do what I enjoy and love the most.

After I had pouted enough a new thought came into my head. What if I would use my experiences as material for my writing. I could put it into a book like: 365 Ways Office Dont Work. It is a complex tool and people find crazy ways to use it.

Or Communication Breakdown. I report on the pitfalls of modern communication. We are short messeging each other, but we miss so much information in that and we are not aware of that. We interpretate what we read and take our interpretation for the truth. But even in a face to face communication we misunderstand each other. So how could we understand each other in a chat?

My wife told me: Everything coalesce your job, your writing your coaching. Everything is one.

Suddenly I realesed what that means.

 

All these Parallels will they meet in infinity?

It started as a joke. Raphaela and I had a hot chocolate at the lovely Kater und Goldfisch in Berlin-Wedding. After finishing I asked her to read the tea leaves. She looked at what was left of the homemade chocolate and explained:

„I see several streams that run parallel. Like rivers. They are in rocks in them but these rocks don’t really block the streams. All these rivers run into a great lake. At the end of the lake there is a huge mountain.
I can also see a cat. She sits with her back to the mountain. And there is an eye that watches over the whole scene.

She described my life very accurate. Her words addressed the issue I am dealing with right now:

When will this mess of my life make sense?

My interest that wanders from writing to coaching and from photography to meditation.

In my head I had this thought: To be successful I’ll have to find the one thing that is mine and then follow my passion. I’ve got to be consistent. But how could I when my curiosity drags me from one thing to another. I was neither consistent nor had I found my passion yet.

Well, my wife knows me well. And she told me exactly what I needed to hear:

„Don’t worry“, she said. „Just follow your instincts.“ That gave me confidence. I am not an hopeless case. That all of this will make sense in the end.

But let this give a second thought. Isn’t it that all parallels will meet in infinity as mathematics say? It might be that infinity is a little bit to far away for me to wait for. „I want the world and I want it now!“ Jim Morrison shouted. „I wanna live and I want it now!“ the Ramones sang. These songs I would like to sing along with.

I felt unsatisfied with the answer. Of course I follow my instincts.  I always did. There is no other way for me. But if I am going to live my life like this I have to accept that the outcome of my actions doesn’t count. Enjoy the ride is all that there is. And find the beauty in what is.

Why I Write

I always felt that I am different from other people. As if my live obeyed different laws of nature.

I always had a strong intuition. Every time I followed my intuition I was happy. Even when it was illogical and let me to strange places or gave me experiences that hurt.

In my writing I am trying to explain my life to me and to assure me that to follow my intuition is not only the only possible way for me to live but also the right thing to do.

All my life movies and stories guided me. They helped me to feel truly and understand life and who I am.

I believe in the power of the subconsciousness. 90% of our decisions are influenced by it. I think we can train our subconsciousness.

One way, the best way, to do this is reading stories, listening and watching stories in songs and movies.

In a world that is getting more and more complex we have to learn to trust in our guidance, our gut felling and our intuition.